Dear Dazzle: What do they see?

When I first got divorced I had plenty of people approach me and say things like “Divorce looks great on you.” I would be so offended. They had no clue what I had been through and I am sure they were honestly giving me a compliment, but looking better was the least of my concerns at the time. After a period of not sleeping for ten months, I am sure the rest I was finally getting made a world of difference in my appearance.

I have been able to catch up with a few old friends and clients recently. The comments are similar to when I was first divorced. “You look different. Calmer. Not stressed. Content.” I laugh because I do look different. I weigh a lot more. My hair is longer. There are also internal differences though that I believe are manifesting on the outside. I am not afraid. I am not ashamed and guilty anymore. I am not stuck in the loop of lack and scarcity. I am no longer trying to starve and exercise my way out of pain.

At the Resolutionary Award Breakfast for Resolve of Greater Rochester a few weeks ago I showed the picture of me flexing. By all accounts it is a decent picture. All I see when I look at it is brokenness and despair. I was at just about the lowest point I have ever been. Thank God for Resolve. They helped me unravel the truth about the pain I was trying to numb myself from. Some people drink or do drugs to escape, I exercised and dieted. I don’t love that I tip the scales at a higher weight, but I love not obsessing over what I weigh and trying to concoct ways to reduce that number.

So today when I hear I look different, I know a lot of it is because I have physically changed, but I also know there has been a huge shift internally. I have found more peace and contentment. I am making amends with all the negative decisions I made over the last five years. I don’t enjoy all of the consequences but I own them and enjoy using my problem solving skills. I am doing great work helping others do their great work in the world. I am grateful and blessed. I hope that is what they see.

Share Your Thoughts...

Tell us what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar for free here!
Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately...